So...

[Spannungsprüfer136373]

Ist zwar auf Englisch, aber ich dachte ich schreibe das mal hier rein. Nehmt euch an meinen Fehlern ein Beispiel.

I am 18 years old. I have traversed the land of females many times. Never have I encountered such happenings as tonight. I tell a tale of love and tears, of friendship and hate. This, my friends, is my greatest lesson learned.

So it's a friday. What do a bunch of adolescents do on a Friday here? That's right, get amazingly drunk.

It started when me and the misses were at the liquor store. "Is one six pack gonna be enough for us?". I thought she was right. Better get two. And a bottle of harder liquor (I say harder because this shit has 15volts, half that of Bacardi, so it's basically light liquor). Well, the evening goes pretty much as planned.

I have my own place so we meet up here. There's about 7 of us. My best friend, Philip, gets sloshed. It was after his 8th Bacardi/Cola that he said to me, slurring his words "Let's finish this bottle of water", pointing to the light liquor. So, I say, fuck yeah, and egg him on. He pours about 8 shot glasses for me and 8 for himself. Let's do this. So we chug and we're done. Time for round 2. And 3. And it was the 4th round when his girlfriend takes the half-empty glass out of his hand disaproving of his actions. Fuck it, I say, and finish both glasses. The bottle is done. Simple.

Now at this point, and this is only because I was holding back earlier, I am relatively sober and he is shitfaced. 20 Minutes of him being, to our amusement, very drunk pass and him and his girl leave. Fuck it, the rest of us say.

We keep drinking and it's getting close to midnight. This is usually the point where I say we have to leave due to my neighbors who are all old. So we do and it is at this point that I see my girlfriend enter "super-drunk-chick-mode". Every guy here will know exactly what I'm talking about. She isn't slurring her words yet and can still perform basic actions. But there's that hint. That subtle hint that she is about to be very, very drunk. And I miss it because I myself am at this point, not 100% thinking clearly. All of us feeling weary we head out to hit the town. And hit it hard.

We enter the bar and fire right up. I order three double-shots of Jager for my girlfriend, a buddy of mine who is always at that bar and myself. 12cl of pure goodness arrive at our table and I dish out the 8Euros to pay for it. Fuck it, again, and we drink. Now, Jager, I find to be very tasty. It goes down well at about 32degreees Fahrenheit. Right around the point where water freezes is the ideal temperature for this wholesome German beverage. My buddy, Roman, who is Russian, gives me a look of disgust as he downs the glass. It turns out he doesn't like Jager very much. It's something with the genes; I can drink a bottle of that shit and I will be very, very drunk, but not at 110% capacity. Give me on shot of vodka and it's over. It's vice-versa for him. So runs to the bathroom to blow chunks. He returns and being the fine lady she is, my girlfriend offers him an abundance of breath mints.

Then security shows up. They ask my girlfriend for ID. She left her wallet at my place, presumabely in my car. I try to talk him down, because I know the guy, but it's no good. She says to me "I think it's in your car." So I commit the cardinal sin and

GIVE HER MY CAR KEYS!

Like I said she showed no signs of going into shitfaced mode at this time. The idea was that she would go fetch her ID and then come back to resume drinking.

The only problem with this is that when it comes to Jager, I am the few people who can hold their liquor. I tell everyone, especially when doing double-shots that "this shit will bite back in about 10 minutes."

My girlfriend comes from a very Westfalian German family, so I had no reason to doubt that she has shook hands with Mr. Fucks-you-up once or twice. I thought she knew what she was doing when she drank it.

So she leaves. My buddy Roman and I decide to level the playing field we drink screwdrivers. I fucking hate Vodka. But for the sake of sportsmanships', I'm in. I chug that sauce like it's the apocalypse. Then my cell phone rings, and shit hits the fan. It's my dearly beloved.

"Hello?"
"I.....I think something didn't go right. You told me, but I forgot."
"Slow down, what happened?"
"Come home...the car...oh God, I'm so sorry."

Now I am a man who loves his car. You know that commercial about "do you carry a photo of your car around and give it names like 'the rickmobile'?". That's me. My Audi was called 'Moop'. I miss and think about it every day. My Polo was called the "SteinWagon". It was so ghetto it was awesome. My current vehicle is my baby. Her name is Sophie. Laugh all you want, you can go suck a dick. Everytime I turn the ignition on this car I am happy to hear the 4-cylinder ready to perform its duty. This car is worth much more to me than the monetary value. It's been with me for 5 months, and it's grown on me.

That being said, I went home. I check the parking lock. There's a car with the lights on. It's mine; I check all the doors, they are locked. Good.

I walk to my apartment and find my beloved girl completely smashed. She is asleep and all is well. I grab my keys and walk down to my car to switch off the light. As I climb into the elevator, I distinctively remember her saying something about a switch.

One week ago, on a sidenote, I decided it was time for her to learn the ways of operating the finest machine known to man: a manual transmission automobile. I volunteered mine. I taught her the basics, and to my surprise she got the car moving. Thrice. The only problem was that she killed the engine by using her left foot to break, without disengaging the clutch. We all make mistakes, right?

I step into the vehicle of my wet dreams. I turn off the light. I step out, I observe that curb ratio to my front (lowered by 65mm) bumber. I remmeber thinking to myself when I parked it "Should I move it a little further? There's about a foot of space. Ah, fuck it." That 'Ah, fuck it' was my 6th sense speaking directly to me. I have a spider sense when it comes to determining when something will break.

I remember telling her "The first you do when you enter a car is to make sure it is not in gear! This is important." In her drunken stupor she apparently forgot this and searching for the light switch, which is retarded to begin with when it comes to Opels, she turned the starter. Multiple times. The car must've made it about a foot before she gave up and found the switch. My brand-new front spoiler which costs 197Euros+shipping and looks like it was made by the proud dwarves of middle earth was 1/16th of an inch away from the curb. You couldn't stick a credit card in there if you tried. But it was fine. That, right there, was God's hand reching down. It was a miracle.

What baffles me completely is what I saw when I got back into my car. She mumbled something about "left steering wheel in her sleep". You know that 'little' plastic switch for the turn signal? It was loose.

This thing has seen 120k miles and 15 years of service. It is massive plastic. I have seen many things, but not ever have I seen one of these damn things break. She ripped it clear off.

I have decided to giver her the broken switch as a souvenir and a remind to never, ever so much as unlock a car if she has been drinking.

One thing I definitely learned the hard way and is a lesson to all men is that:

NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE A WOMAN THE KEYS TO YOUR CAR!

[Trennschleifer133842]

was soll uns das sagen?

gib niemals deiner Alten die Autoschlüssel, wenn sie betrunken ist?! Hallo? Ich geb sie ihr schon ungern, wenn sie nüchtern ist.
Geschweige denn mir, wenn ich einen sitzen habe.

was soll man(n) da sagen? Selber schuld. nothing with shit happens...

[PS-Schnecke625]

hi!
Geiler Threadname,kann jeder sofort was mit anfangen 🙄

[BassSuchti]

Wäre als Blog wohl passender ...

Ohne jemanden persönlich angreifen zu wollen, möchte ich behaupten, dass vielleicht 5 % der User hier perfekt englisch lesen können und dann auch verstehen, was sie gelesen haben. Somit ist das absolut sinnlos.

Im Endeffekt ist es sogar noch frauenfeindlich, da in diesem Text (am Ende) dazu aufgefordert wird, dass man Frauen niemals und unter keinen Umständen den Autoschlüssel geben soll. Was soll dieser Mist ? Ganz ganz niedriges Niveau ... 🙄

[Fensterheber137654]

das problem ist das er 100% schlechter auto fährt wie meine oma😁😁
sonst müßte er nicht so deutlich darauf hinweisen, sehr warscheinlich hat er auch noch verwechselt das nicht eine frau sondern er es war der gefahren ist

[Kurvenräuber50622]

Kann mir mal jemand ne kurzfassung von dem text geben. Gehöre zu den 95 % die kein Englisch können (hab ja schon mit deutsch so meine Probleme 😁😁😁😁)

[Habichnet]

Ich frage mich auch gerade was das ganze soll.

Wenn wenigstens ein tieferer Sinn dahinter stecken würde wie "Don't drink and drive" aber nein, im Endeffekt ist ein Blinkerhebel abgebrochen 🙄
Also da gibt es definitiv lehrreichere Geschichten als diese.

[Habichnet]

Achja, Übersetzung...
Kann es denn sein dass es immer noch leute gibt die kein Englisch sprechen?? 😕
Da werden 500 Milliarden Euro in die Unternehmen und die Banken gepumpt dabei wäre unser Bildungssystem wohl das erste das einer grundlegenden Reform und nicht zuletzt einer ordentlichen Finanzspritze bedarf.
(Nach dem o.g. Text bedarf es einer grundlegenden Niveauanhebung 😁 😉 )

Also.
Im Endeffekt geht es in den ersten 80% des Textes nur darum dass ein Haufen Jugendlicher sich besäuft mit Bier, irgendwelchem höhervolumigen Sprit, Jägermeister und Wodka.
In einer Bar wird die Freundin des erzählers nach ihrem Ausweis gefragt welchen sie im daheim geparkten Auto vergessen hat.
Alle sind bereits sternhagelvoll. Der Erzähler gibt seiner Freundin den Schlüssel zu seinem vor 5 Monaten gekauften gebrauchten Audi namens "Moop" und sie läuft zurück. Kurze Zeit später klingelt das Mobiltelefon des Erzählers. Seine Freundin ist dran und stammelt was vom Auto. Er also sofort ab nach Hause, das Auto steht verschlossen mit eingeschaltetem Licht auf dem Parkplatz. Seine Freundin schläft. Er geht also zurück ans Auto und stellt fest dass seine Freundin auf der Suche nach dem Lichtschalter mehrmals den Zündschlüssel herumgedreht haben muss (Gang eingelegt, sie kennt aber nur Automatik). Das Auto hat einen Satz nach vorn gemacht und die 197€ Tuning-Frontstoßstange ist weniger als eine Kreditkartenbreite von der hohen Bordsteinkante entfernt. Aber sie lebt noch. Um haaresbreite.
Allerdings findet er dann heraus dass der Blinkerhebel, welcher 15 Jahre und 110.000 Meilen überlebt hat und aus massivem Plastik ist abgebrochen ist. Der waise Mann schlussfolgerte also dass er seiner Freundin den kaputten Schalter als Souvenir schenkt und in Zukunft nie wieder einer Frau die Schlüssen zu seinem Auto gibt.

🙄 🙄
Und wir sind jetzt um so vieles klüger 🙂

[Duftbaumdeuter1037]

Hallo,

ich schließe dann erstmal.
Die Löschung erfolgt später.

Gern kann dazu ei n Blog genommen werden - im Forum hats definitiv nix zu suchen.

Bei Problemen bitte PN an mich.

***GESCHLOSSEN***

Grüße
Schreddi